There’s a version of the No Contact story that gets told a lot.
It’s the anger version.
And don’t get me wrong — I absolutely have every right to be angry.
What was done to me was despicable.
The lies.
The manipulation.
The threats.
The decades of deception.
The refusal to tell the truth even when given clear, open chances to do so.
I’m still healing.
I’m still grieving.
And yes — I’m still furious.
That anger is real.
And it is justified.
Why Reconciliation Was Never Possible Without Truth
Here is what some people misunderstand about my decision:
I didn’t walk away because I wasn’t given chances to reconcile.
I walked away because reconciliation without truth is not reconciliation at all.
Even after everything came to light, she was still offered chances to tell the full truth.
She didn’t.
What I received instead were:
- fragments
- partial admissions
- strategic omissions
- 10–15% truths
- and carefully sculpted half-confessions
Just enough to appear cooperative.
Never enough to be honest.
And here is the hard truth:
Without truth, there is no foundation for repair.
There is only reset-after-reset of the same destruction.
So I walked.
Not because I didn’t care.
But because I finally did.
No Contact Was Also an Act of Protection — For Her
This is the part very few people understand.
Yes, I walked away to protect myself.
But I also walked away to protect her.
Because I know myself now.
And I know the depth of the rage that lives in me — not as hatred, but as the accumulated pressure of a lifetime of betrayal.
If I had stayed in her presence…
There is no scenario where that rage would have stayed buried forever.
At some point, it would have come out.
And it would not have been gentle.
So I chose something different.
I chose distance.
I chose silence.
I chose to remove my anger from her living space.
In that sense, No Contact was also an act of mercy.
What I Believe About God in This Chapter
This might surprise some people.
But here is what I truly believe:
Just as God carried me through:
- addiction
- collapse
- legal trouble
- identity loss
- and the slow dismantling of lies
I believe God will carry her through this chapter of her life as well.
I am not her judge.
I was never meant to be.
So I released her into God’s hands — not because she “deserves it,” but because I refuse to carry what was never mine to hold.
Even with righteous anger still present…
I still pray that when her final reckoning comes, it will be merciful.
What she did may deserve my silence.
But it does not deserve eternal suffering.
Where she spends eternity is not my decision to make.
No Contact Is Not Hatred
No Contact is not:
- revenge
- cruelty
- abandonment
- or punishment
For me, it is:
- the end of participation
- the end of being manipulated
- the end of a lifetime of living in her manufactured reality
- the end of self-sacrifice for the sake of appearances
It is the moment I chose:
“The cycle ends with me. This far, No further!”
Holding Anger and Mercy at the Same Time
This is the tension I live in now:
I am still furious.
And I still pray for her.
Those two things can exist at the same time.
Anger honors what was violated.
Prayer honors what is still human.
Holding both does not make me weak.
It makes me whole.
What I Know Now
I did not walk away because I stopped loving.
I walked away because I finally stopped lying to myself.
I did not go No Contact because I wanted to destroy her.
I went No Contact because I refused to be destroyed anymore — and refused to become the weapon my rage could have turned me into.
My mother is in God’s hands now.
And for the first time in my life I’m realizing…
Throughout the entire storm that consumed my first 49 years… So was I.
