After everything in my life finally came into the light — the lies, the manipulation, the emotional chaos — I had to face a hard truth:
I had confused patience with permission.
And Scripture never called me to confuse the two.
Peace Has Limits in the Bible
One verse used to haunt me:
“If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.” — Romans 12:18
For years, I only read the first half.
Now I understand the second half:
- If it is possible
- As far as it depends on you
That verse admits something most survivors are never taught:
Sometimes peace is not possible.
Sometimes it does not depend on you.
And Scripture never tells victims to destroy themselves for the sake of appearances.
God Condemns Abuse of Power — Explicitly
Another verse that changed everything for me:
“You have ruled them harshly and brutally.” — Ezekiel 34:4
God doesn’t excuse cruelty just because it comes from a parent, a pastor, a spouse, or an elder.
Power misused is still condemned.
Even when it lives inside families.
Why Distance Was My Obedience — Not My Rebellion
For a long time, I believed that staying meant I was being “Christlike.”
But Jesus didn’t stay in danger.
He withdrew often (Luke 5:16).
He escaped hostile situations (John 8:59).
He set hard verbal boundaries (Matthew 23).
Distance wasn’t my rebellion.
Distance was my obedience to truth.
What Forgiveness Is — And What It Is Not
Forgiveness:
- releases my heart from carrying poison
- frees me from hatred
- restores my nervous system
Forgiveness does not:
- cancel accountability
- erase consequences
- require reconciliation
- or demand access
Even Jesus forgave — and still walked away from those who refused change.
What I Know Now
Faith doesn’t require me to:
- return to what is unsafe
- pretend harm didn’t happen
- or expose myself to ongoing abuse
Faith requires me to:
- walk in truth
- protect what is vulnerable
- refuse deception
- and choose what produces good fruit
And Scripture is very clear about fruit:
“You will know them by their fruit.” — Matthew 7:16
Abuse is not good fruit.
In Closing
I still respect the faith roots of my family.
But I no longer confuse:
- honor with endurance
- loyalty with self-abandonment
- forgiveness with access
- or silence with holiness
My faith today is built on something simpler and truer:
Love that does not destroy.
Truth that does not require silence.
And a God who stands with the crushed — not the cruel.
There are moments in history when the illusion of peace is torn open in a single breath. And there are quieter moments in a single life when the same thing happens — not with explosions, but with truth. Different scales. Same awakening. Today simply feels like a fitting day to speak it.
