I come from a family where faith runs deep. On my biological father’s side especially, Christianity isn’t just a belief — it’s a way of life.
And like many people raised around Scripture, one verse came up again and again growing up:
“Honor your father and mother.” — Exodus 20:12
For most of my life, I thought that meant endurance.
Silence.
Tolerance.
Staying.
Absorbing.
Even when something inside me was screaming that what I was experiencing wasn’t love.
The Threat That Shattered the Illusion
When I was about fifteen, my mother once threatened to put my sister and me into the car and drive us all off a bridge.
That wasn’t the only time in my childhood, that language like that was used.
But that one landed.
What did I do afterward?
I walked almost everywhere, for a long time after that incident.
Because on a nervous-system level, I didn’t feel safe getting into a car with her.
No one stepped in and said, “That was wrong.”
No one held her accountable.
And no one explained that honor does not mean tolerating a death threat.
Instead, like so many kids in faith-heavy homes when an abuser is present, I learned a dangerous equation:
Loyalty equals righteousness — even when it costs your safety.
The Lie That “Honor” Means Obedience to Harm
Years later, after the full truth of my family system finally surfaced, I re-read Scripture with new eyes.
Because if “honor” truly means enduring abuse…
Then Jesus Himself violated it constantly.
- He publicly rebuked abusive religious leaders (Matthew 23).
- He walked away from violent crowds (John 10:39).
- He refused to submit to corrupt authority (Acts 5:29 – “We must obey God rather than men”).
- He consistently protected the vulnerable instead of preserving appearances (Luke 4:18).
And Scripture is unmistakably clear:
- “Love is not abusive… it does not dishonor others.” — 1 Corinthians 13:5
- “Do not associate with a person given to anger… or you may be ensnared.” — Proverbs 22:24–25
- “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those crushed in spirit.” — Psalm 34:18
In other words:
The God of the Bible does not require anyone to sacrifice themselves on the altar of someone else’s dysfunction.
What Honor Means to Me Now
I can acknowledge that someone helped bring me into the world.
But I am no longer willing to:
- absorb their emotional chaos
- tolerate manipulation
- minimize real harm
- or confuse silence with righteousness
This isn’t bitterness.
This is discernment.
This is adulthood.
This is safety.
The Line That Changed Everything
For years, I believed that staying quiet meant I was being faithful.
Now I understand:
Truth-telling is not betrayal.
Boundaries are not rebellion.
And walking away from destruction is not sin.
Sometimes the most honest form of “honor” is refusing to participate in what is destroying you.
In Closing
If you were taught that:
- boundaries are selfish
- distance is hateful
- and silence is godly
Please hear this clearly:
God does not require you to endure abuse to be considered faithful.
You are allowed to be safe.
You are allowed to tell the truth.
You are allowed to choose peace — even if it costs proximity.
That is not abandoning faith.
That is integrity.
