What It’s Like Talking to a Narcissistic Parent After You Finally See the Truth
There’s a strange and disorienting phase that happens after the moment of “unmasking” — the point where the narcissistic parent you’ve known your entire life suddenly becomes transparent.
For me, that moment arrived on Mother’s Day 2024.
The day the decades-long lie about my biological origins was exposed.
The day the family narrative collapsed.
The day my mother’s mask cracked so hard it never resealed.
But what very few people talk about is what happens after that moment —
the period when you’re awake, but still technically in contact.
That phase is surreal, skin-crawling, and psychologically unlike anything else.
It deserves to be talked about.
The In-Between: Awake, But Not Yet Free
From the unmasking in May until my personal Judgment Day at the end of August, I existed in a strange liminal space:
- emotionally detached
- spiritually done
- cognitively clear
- physically gone
- but still connected because my son was trapped living with her
This wasn’t No Contact yet.
And it definitely wasn’t the old version of the relationship.
This was strategic contact
— something survivors sometimes must maintain temporarily to protect someone still “in the line of fire.”
And that’s when the phone calls began.
The “Business Only” Call That Made My Skin Crawl
A couple weeks after I left the house in Missouri, I received a message from my son:
“She hasn’t switched the electricity into her name.”
I had already scheduled my service to end at the end of June — a full month of courtesy for her to take responsibility.
She didn’t.
So I took the call.
Just logistical details.
Just facts.
No emotions.
No small talk.
And the entire time?
My skin crawled.
Not figuratively.
Physically.
It felt like being on the phone with a stranger who had worn my mother’s face my entire life.
My nervous system was screaming:
“This person is not safe.”
That somatic reaction is what happens when the trauma bond collapses.
Your body no longer tolerates what your mind used to excuse.
The Meltdown Diffusion Call: The One Time She Accidentally Told the Truth, Sort of…
Another call came after a text my sister had sent our mother.
In that message, my sister had gently called our mother out on something, and at one point used the line:
“You need to stop being a lying jerk.”
Not an insult.
Not character assassination.
Just an accurate description of our mother’s behavior.
Well… the meltdown that followed could be heard from orbit.
And I took that call specifically to keep the fallout from hitting my son, who was still stuck in the blast radius.
And in that entire call — filled with distortions, self-pity, exaggeration, and dramatics — there was ONE sincere, truthful word.
Just one.
She said:
“Your sister called me a jerk!”
And honestly? Had that been the case, I feel my sister still would have been right!
But, again my mother twisted the words and context to fit her narrative. My sister had called out the behavior, stating “You need to stop being a lying jerk.” A normal person would argue this is just semantics, but in the context of a narcissistic parent, it just fits the overall pattern I simply couldn’t unsee at this point. She twisted and manipulated literally everything she said.
“Jerk.”
It was the only accurate word my mother said that day. And she’s melting down over it.
I nearly laughed out loud at the purity of it — the one moment where the mask slipped off accidentally in the direction of reality.
Even narcissists accidentally tell the truth once in a while…
usually when it’s about themselves behaving poorly.
The 30–45 Minute Vent Calls: All for My Son
Other calls happened when tension in the house reached dangerous levels.
I didn’t take those calls to reconnect.
Or to soothe.
Or to comfort.
I took them because:
- my son was in an unsafe emotional environment
- I knew narcissistic escalation patterns by this point
- venting to me meant less aggression toward him
- I was essentially conducting emotional hostage negotiation
Every time she called, I already had the real story from my son.
He had no reason to lie.
She had the proven track-record indicating she would.
So I let her vent — in a flat, nonreactive tone — purely to de-escalate the situation for him.
That’s not codependency.
That’s protection.
Every Lie Was Suddenly Obvious
Before the unmasking, I used to mentally twist myself into knots trying to make sense of her contradictions.
After the unmasking?
Every lie lit up like a neon sign.
- Every story? Contradicted by direct evidence.
- Every claim about my son? Immediately disproven.
- Every self-victimizing narrative? Predictable and patterned.
- Every exaggeration? Transparent.
- Every manipulation attempt? Obvious.
It was like seeing in high-definition for the first time.
Once the fog is gone, the narcissist’s script looks embarrassingly shallow and repetitive.
It becomes impossible to unsee.
Why This Happens (Trauma-Informed Insight)
1. The trauma bond dissolves once the truth lands.
Your brain stops defending them.
Your empathy stops being exploited.
Your clarity returns.
2. Your body becomes the truth-teller.
Skin crawling, nausea, tension — these are somatic warnings.
3. Their lies don’t change — you do.
They still run the same playbook.
You just finally recognize the pattern.
4. Cognitive dissonance collapses.
You no longer need to bend reality to survive.
Living in the Liminal Space
This period — awake but still connected — is agonizing.
You’re not confused anymore.
You’re not unaware.
You’re not rationalizing.
You’re simply waiting for the moment when extraction is possible.
And during this phase, contact feels revolting because your nervous system is finally aligned with the truth:
“This person cannot be trusted with your mind, your emotions, your loved ones, or your story.”
Eventually, Judgment Day arrived.
And when I finally went No Contact, it wasn’t dramatic.
It wasn’t sudden.
It wasn’t reactive.
It was the natural conclusion to a truth I couldn’t unsee.
For Other Survivors
If you’re in that strange in-between —
awake, but not fully gone —
here’s what I want you to know:
You’re not overreacting.
You’re not being unkind.
You’re not imagining the pattern.
You’re not wrong for noticing the lies.
You’re not failing for feeling repulsed.
You’re waking up.
And once the mask falls, every interaction becomes confirmation:
You were right.
Your intuition was right.
Your body was right.
Your truth was right.
Hold onto that clarity.
Your real freedom is coming.
